There is a beautiful desert island in the middle of nowhere where the following people

                                      are stranded :

                             * 2 Italian men and 1 Italian woman

                             * 2 French men and 1 French woman

                            * 2 German men and 1 German woman

                             * 2 Greek men and 1 Greek woman

                             * 2 English men and 1 English woman

                           * 2 Bulgarian men and 1 Bulgarian woman

                            * 2 Swedish men and 1 Swedish woman

                               * 2 Irish men and 1 Irish woman

               One month later on this beautiful desert island in the middle of nowhere....

                     * The 1 Italian man killed the other for the Italian woman.

           * The 2 French men and the French woman are living happily together in a "menage a

                                         trois".

            * The 2 German men have a strict weekly schedule of when they alternate with the

                                     German woman.

           * The 2 Greek men are sleeping with each other and the Greek woman is cleaning and

                                    cooking for them.

           * The 2 English men are waiting for someone to introduce them to the English woman.

           * The Bulgarian men took one look at the endless ocean, one look at the woman and

                                    started swimming.

           * The 2 Swedish men are contemplating the virtues of suicide while the woman keeps

           on bitching about her body being her own and the true nature of feminism. But at least

                             it's not snowing and the taxes are low.

              * The Irish began by dividing their island Northside-Southside and setting up a

           distillery. They don't remember if sex is in the picture, cause it gets sort of foggy after

           the first few litres of coconut-whiskey, but at least they know the English aren't getting

                                          any.

            Clinton and the Pope die on the same day. There is a mix up on the paper work and

           Clinton is sent to heaven and the pope is sent to hell. After arriving the pope tells the

            hell administrators about the problem and it is acknowledged but he says it will take 24

            hours to make the exchange. On the way up to heaven Clinton and The Pope meet.

                 Pope: Oh finally I'm in heaven. I've been waiting for this my whole life.

                                Clinton: Waiting for what???

                      Pope: I've wanted to meet the virgin Mary my whole life.

                                Clinton: I think you're too late.

             Two nuns are driving through a desert just outside Transylvania at dusk. Out from

           behind a huge boulder, jumps a vampire. He leaps onto the bonnet of the car and starts

            clawing his way up to the windscreen. The nuns are starting to get very worried and

           one nun turns to the other and says "what should we do"? The nun replies "wind down

           your window and show him your cross"!. So the nun winds down her window, sticks

                       out her head and yells "Fuck off you bastard"!!!!!!!!!!!

                         Q: How does Sinead O'Conner part her hair??

                                      A: She Squats.

          A man is visiting his wife in hospital where she has been in a coma for several years. On

           this visit he decides to rub her left breast instead of just talking to her. On doing this she

           lets out a sigh. The man runs out and tells the doctor who says this is a good sign and

           suggests he should try rubbing her right breast to see if there is any reaction. The man

            goes in and rubs her right breast and this brings a moan from his wife. He rushes out

            and tells the doctor. The doctor says this is amazing and is a real break through. The

           doctor then suggests the man should go in and try oral sex, saying he will wait outside

           as it is a personal act and he doesn't want the man to be embarrassed. The man goes in

           then comes out about five minutes later, white as a sheet and tells the doctor his wife is

              dead. The doctor asks what happen to which the man replies "She choked."

           One day Johnny comes home from school and asks his father "Dad, what's penis?" His

            father whips out his tool and says "That, son, is a penis. It's not only A penis, it is the

                                      perfect penis."

           The next day some of his friends ask him what a penis is. Johnny exposes his tool and

             says, "This is a penis. And if it was three inches shorter it'd be the perfect penis."

           A guy walks into a whorehouse. says, give me the cheapest whore you got. The pimp

            replies, she's ten dollars but you can only eat her out. the man agrees and the pimp

           leads him to a room. leaves, comes back later with a lady and says have fun. the lady

                        lays on the bed spreads eagle and says go ahead.

           The man starts to eat her out, and five minutes into it starts to choke. The man coughs

             up a pea and discards the idea. He goes back to his business and begins to choke

           again. This time he coughs up a piece of corn. And gives her a questionable look and

          continues nonetheless. Later he begins to choke once more this time on a piece of beef.

                        The man says "Damn Baby you sick or something".

                      She replies "of course not, but the guy before you was."

                     A skeleton walks into the bar. He orders a beer and mop.

           Once there was a man with an extremely large penis, but, unfortunately, he also had a

          terrible stuttering problem, so he could never get a girlfriend. So he went to the doctor

           one day and said to him that he wanted something done about his stutter. The doctor

            replied that he would have to take off his penis to relieve him of the stutter. After a

           while the man agreed and had his penis removed. After the operation he was a smooth

            talker, but now he couldn't get laid because he had no penis. So he returned to the

             doctor and tells him he would like to have his penis back, because he has a better

           chance of getting laid with a stutter than with no penis. The doctor replies, "S-s-sorry

                          s-s-sir, b-b-but I c-c-can't d-d-do th-th-that."

                       Q. What do women and condoms have in common??

            A.They both spend more time in your wallet than they do on the end of your dick.

                    Q. What's the difference between a woman and a condom??

                              A. It's easier to piss a woman off!!

           A man sitting on an airplane is shocked to see the most beautiful woman he's ever seen

          heading straight for him; she sits down right next to him. for the first hour of the flight the

            man is so flustered he doesn't know what to say; finally he blurts out, "So, where ya

                                       headed?"

                                   "Florida." she replies.

                            "Business?" the man quickly follows up.

                  "Actually, it's a nymphomaniacs convention." she says with a smile.

           The man absolutely cannot believe it. Desperate for something to say, he says "so, what

                               goes on at these conventions?"

           "Well, we talk about sex, share our experiences, discuss common misconceptions..."

                                    "Misconceptions?"

            "Why, yes! For example, most people think that black guys have the largest penises,

                                    but they're wrong."

                                        "Really?"

              "Yep, it's actually the Native Americans that are most generously endowed."

                                 "Wow, I didn't know that!"

            "It's true! Also, most people think that French men are the most romantic, when in

                actuality it's the Jewish guys that can really sweep a woman off her feet."

                               "How about that!" says the man.

            The woman then says "Oh I'm sorry, look at me, just babbling on and on and I don't

                                  even know your name."

                        "Oh, uh, I'm.... Tanto. Tanto Goldstein, and you?"

             A woman goes to her doctor and said she wanted an operation done because her

            pussy lips were much too large. She then asked the doctor to keep the operation a

           secret as she didn't want anyone to find out, so the doctor agreed. She woke up from

           her operation only to find three roses carefully placed beside her in bed. Outraged she

          immediately calls in the doctor. She said to him, I thought I asked you not to tell anyone

              about my operation! The doctor told her he did not and not to worry. He then

             continued, The first rose is from me. I felt bad because you went through it all by

           yourself. The second one is from my nurse. She assisted me with the operation and had

          the operation done herself. Just then the girl asked about the third rose. The doctor said

            Oh, that rose is from a guy upstairs in the burn unit. He wanted to thank you for his

                                       new ears!

              A man got back from an out of town trip and his wife was packing her bags.

                              "Where are you going?", he asked.

                                   "Las Vegas" she said.

                                "Why Las Vegas?", he asked.

                      "I found out I can get $400 for what I give you for free."

           Later on he packed his bags. His wife asked what he was doing and he replied he was

                going to Vegas to. Why? Because I want to see you live on $800 a year.

                    Q. How do you know when your girlfriend is too horny????

           A. When you put your hand inside her pants and you feel like you are feeding a horse.

            Bill turn to Monica and says "Come back to my room I want to show show you my

                               Clock". Monica say "ok lets go."

                    In the room Bill undoes his zipper and flops out his old fellow.

                            "Bill" Monica shouts "thats not a clock".

                      "Well" say Bill " With your face and hands on it is will be"

           This bloke goes to this cafe in Spain and orders something off the menu he has no idea

                                       what it is.

                The meal comes with two great big meat balls which he eats with delight.

           After he finishes he asks the waiter what it was he just ate. The waiter looks at him and

                says. "The bull fight this morning, well senior some times the bull looses."

             About one week later he goes back again with friends to impress them. Again he

             orders the same item. This time the serving is a lot less. After the meal he calls the

                         waiter over and complains about the serving size.

                      "Well senior" said the waiter "sometimes the bull wins".

                      Q. What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?

                              A. Slow down and use a lubricant.

                 Q. What's six inches long, two inches wide, and drives women wild?

                                       A. Money.

                         Q. What's the definition of a male chauvinist pig?

                 A. A man who hates every bone in a woman's body, except his own.

           Q. Why do women pay more attention to their appearance than improving their minds?

                        A. Because most men are stupid, but few are blind.

                      Q. How can you spot a blind guy at the nudist colony?

                                     A. It's not hard.

                       Q. Who is the most popular guy at the nudist colony?

              A. The guy who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen donuts.

                       Q. Who is the most popular girl at the nudist colony?

                          A. She is the one who can eat the last donut.

                   Q. What's the difference between a blimp and 365 blow jobs?

                      A. One is a Goodyear and the other is a GREAT year.

                           Q. Why do the men in Scotland wear kilts?

                       A. Because the sheep can hear a zipper a mile away.

           A chicken and an egg were laying in bed, smoking cigarettes, the covers and sheets all

             messed up. The chicken laid there with a big, stupid grin all over its face. The egg,

           looking disgusted, blew out a stream of smoke, looked over at the chicken, and said,

                       "Well, I guess we answered that question, didn't we?"

           Joe- "hey man.. say you went camping with three of your male friends, and you all got

            really drunk, and the next morning you woke up with a condom sticking out of your

                                ass..would you tell anyone?"

                         Bob- "hell no.. what do you think I am...crazy?

                                 Joe- "wanna go camping?"

            Two Indians were riding across the plains on their ponies. They pulled to a stop to

                              check if they were being followed.

                The first one climbs down off of his pony and puts his ear to the ground.

                         The second one asks the first one what he hears.

                              The first one says "buffalo come."

              The second one says "I see nothing moving for miles, how do you know this?"

                  The first one replies, putting his hand to his cheek: "face all sticky"

            A man was walking along the street when he saw a ladder going into the clouds. As

           any of us would do, he climbed the ladder. He reached a cloud, upon which was sat a

            rather plump and very ugly woman. "Screw me or climb the ladder to success" she said.

           No contest, thought the man, so he climbed the ladder to the next cloud. On this cloud

            was a slightly thinner woman, who was slightly easier on the eye. "Screw me hard or

           climb the ladder to success" she said. "Well", thought the man, "might as well carry on.

          On the next cloud was an even more attractive lady who, this time, was quite attractive.

                     "Screw me now or climb the ladder to success" she uttered.

           As he turned her down and went on up the ladder, the man thought to himself that this

                             was getting better the further he went.

           On the next cloud was an absolute beauty. Slim, attractive, the lot. "Fuck me or climb

                               the ladder to success" she flirted.

            Unable to imagine what could be waiting, and being a gambling man, he decided to

                                      climb again.

              When he reached the next cloud, there was a 400 pound ugly man, arm pit hair

                            showing, flies buzzing around his head.

                               "Who are you?" the man asked.

                       "Hello" said the ugly fat man said, "my name's Cess!"